Significant Picks: Week4

Your weekly NFL picks from Jacki’s significant other…
Last Week: 5-6-4
On the Year: 12-13-5

Chicago at Detroit
The Bears are down at least five defensive starters in this game, and it could be as many as seven (!). Oddsmakers think replacing Rex Grossman with a decent quarterback will make up for it. I don’t. Lions + 3

Oakland at Miami
The Raiders must like playing on the road. Have you ever caught a game in Oakland? It’s like this: barbed wire fences; no view; no frills; there’s a couple of stoned guys playing bongos in the bleachers. It’s the only stadium where the crazies who dress up like wrestlers and Darth Vader and yell the whole time aren’t faking it. Dolphins – 4

Houston at Atlanta
Matt Schaub has even less to throw to with Jacoby Jones out. Ahman Green is banged up. This the safest pick of the week. Falcons + 3

Baltimore at Cleveland
Baltimore takes its overrated show to Cleveland, where the Browns have discovered Offense. By the way, have you seen the Indians lately? That’s my World Series pick. Browns + 4.5

Green Bay at Minnesota
It’s weird that everyone now agrees that the Vikings discovered North America, but we still celebrate Christopher Columbus doing it. Is it because the Vikings landed in Canada and that doesn’t really count? I bet that if they’d found those Viking settlements in Maryland, there’d be a National Viking Day and some big Viking Village out near Gaithersburg with helmet forgers and hair braiders–all kinds of crap. Vikings + 1.5

NY Jets at Buffalo
This is a pick ‘em. Take the home team here. Bills + 3.5

Seattle at San Francisco
I think the Niners are due for one of those inexplicable, unexpected home team offensive explosions. Maybe I’ve had too much coffee. Niners + 2

St. Louis at Dallas
I wanted to pick up Brian Leonard with the last pick in my fantasy draft, but didn’t have room, and when I went to get him this week he was gone. I’m trying to think of how to express this feeling across the gender gap. Maybe it’s like this: two cool pairs of shoes are on sale, but you convince yourself you should only buy one. Then, for days, you think about how great it would be to have the other pair. Finally, when your next payday rolls around, you go back to Macy’s, but they’re gone, and in their place is a bright green pair of Crocs. Rams + 13

Pittsburgh at Arizona
The Pittsburgh machine stalls out on the road. Cardinals + 6

Philadelphia at NY Giants
The Giants actually looked ok last week, but God they mope and whine. They’re like a bunch of ten year olds with really big bodies. Giants + 2.5

San Diego at Kansas City
No matter how bad the chiefs suck, Kansas City is a tough place to play. Chiefs + 12

Denver at Indianapolis
Has anyone been to Indianapolis? What’s it like? I’m thinking the beginning of 28 Days Later. Denver + 9.5

New England at Cincinnati
Have you ever been in one of those booths where money blows around and you grab as much as you can in 30 seconds? That’s how Tom Brady’s going to feel against this Bengal’s defense. Patriots – 7.5

Jacki’s Lock of the Week (except last week!)™ (0-2 on the year!)

Tampa at Carolina
I’m going with the Bucs on this one. Why? Because the Panthers website creeps me out. Really. What is with the charred cats? I get the whole menacing mascot thing, but there’s a difference between spooky and scorched. And if anyone knows burnt, it’s me. Therefore, Tampa takes it. Bucs + 3

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