From A to Crazy

Pre Andrea, I’d never had very good luck with roommates. Andrea broke the curse of a short line of loons. The most recent was an actress whom I’ve started seeing on TV a lot lately. In commercials. She sells you stuff. Like dust mops and trips to Vegas. Which got me reminiscing about the nuts I knew before her.

Like Dana. Freshman year of college, Penn paired me with Dana. We could not have had less in common. This was our first phone conversation:

Me: Hi. So it seems we’re going to be roommates.

Dana: Don’t tell me you wear like a size 2 or something?

Me: Um. Well, I’m like a 5/6. Why? (Btw, this was before retailers started cheating the numbers. I weigh exactly the same as I did in high school, and yet I’m now three “sizes” smaller. How? Conspiracy! I rest my case.)

Anyway. It continues.

Dana: Because I’m 5’2” and wear a size 14. Figures I’d get a skinny roommate.

Me: Um. Ok. So, are you bringing the radio or should I?

I’m so not kidding. This is exactly how it went down. Well, hello to you too, roomie. This exchange went on to set the tone for the entire relationship. She hated me from the get go. She left me nasty notes. She slammed doors on my friends. She intentionally embarrassed me in front of dates. She was majoring in nursing and minoring in making my life major hell.

I asked for a swap, but the U was all about forcing the love. So I didn’t get a new room. I did, however, get a boyfriend with an off-campus apartment. I’m nothing if not resourceful.

Dana left me a lovely note upon our departure at the end of freshman year. Instead of cursing my size, she just cursed me. She was nothing if not consistent.

Part 2 – The Sophomore Sicklet

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