It’s Just an Expression

Alright, here we go. I finally figured out how to get the analytics code properly embedded on my site so that I can get a real(ish) sense of readership. Let’s just say, Mom’s got company. Not enough company to realistically charge admission (read: add ads yet), but enough to keep this writer’s ego sated for the time being.

Speaking of satisfaction, just when I think I’m not going to have anything mildly entertaining to share on a given day, I venture out into the world, and someone takes dumb to a whole new level.

So Friday, I’m at the post office mailing an old VHS tape to my agent. (He needed some vintage Jaxx, and I’ve got quite the collection of embarrassingly early work on hand.) I know from years of sending out VHS reels that the best way to go is to toss that puppy into a Priority or an Express mail envelope. It’s a little bulky, but it seals up just fine.

With that scene-setter in place, I give you the following exchange:

Me at counter: Hi. Can you throw a small piece of tape on this envelope? It seems to have a little tear in the side.

USPS employee: We’re not supposed to do that. It’s a flat rate envelope. If you can’t fit stuff in there flat, you shouldn’t use it.

Me: Huh? Wait. It’s called a flat rate envelope because you charge the same rate regardless of what’s in the envelope, not because the envelope itself is physically flat.

USPS employee: (blank stare)

And just like that, blog fodder!

Happy MLK Day. This site seems to be your best bet for the most comprehensive collection of MLK-related content.

UPDATE: I realize today’s retelling of last Friday’s postal encounter may have fallen a little … well… flat. In this case, it was surprisingly tough to do the truly baffled – and baffling – fair justice.

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